Two female republican senators have endorsed stripping and posing nude in order to pay for college. Apparently, Elizabeth Warren (dem) (who is running for Scott Brown’s (rep) seat in the US Senate) quipped about Scott Brown (who posed naked for Cosmo to help pay for college) that she did not, in fact, take off her clothes to pay for college. Brown responded, “Thank God.”
Kelly Ayotte (R-NH) and Susan Collins (R-ME) came to Brown’s defense and said that it was wrong of anyone to mock the “hard” choices people make whilst attempting to meet the ends. Brown, they seemed to imply, had entered the seedy world of nude naughty bits because life had dealt him a tough hand and he was simply trying to put food on the table. Here are their quotes:
Sen. Kelly Ayotte (R-N.H.) said in a statement published in Politico, “It’s inappropriate to make light of his personal circumstances, or to disparage or belittle him for the decisions he made to improve his life. Scott is one of the best guys to work with in the Senate, and I am proud to call him my colleague.”
Sen. Susan Collins (R-Maine): “It’s wrong to mock anyone who had to make hard choices to overcome tough obstacles.” She added, “His story is no different than millions of Americans who are doing everything they can to make ends meet.”
College students in both states rejoiced at the news. Many female students were heard to exclaim that they could now freely “work the pole” at establishments like Gents Only and Boobs-R-Us in order to pay for their tuitions. Male students quickly flooded phone lines to like minded establishments and publications, trying to secure immediate improvement to their financial situation by revealing their junk for all the world.
This policy shift marks a stunning departure for the more conservative senators. One of Ayotte’s assistants hinted that Ayotte would soon reveal a wide number of stripping/sex-industry related reforms to her agenda. “We need our kids to be educationed,” the assistant said, “and now that these two brave senators have boldy accepted Scott Brown’s wang in a nearly three decade old issue of Cosmo, we believe the states can more fully withdraw from the funding of higher educations as more and more students make hard choices that will see them disrobed and displayed for cash like never before.”