The Rumors are True…

I’m writing a zombie novel. Sure, Colson Whitehead got to his first, but I’m hoping that we can have a nice writer feud that will help both our careers. I’m also hoping to start a writer’s feud with Justin Cronin. Hey, Cronin, your Virals will be nothing–NOTHING!–when they meet up with my creations.

Of course, I have to finish my version and get someone to publish it. Stupid writing. Hate it so much.

I hear James Patterson just got a 26 book deal from the folks that publish him. That should get him through this year, but what about next? What happens in 2012? Will he get another contract? I worry about him. He has to pay all those people who write those books for him, right? Those books don’t write themselves and he’s just too busy buying private islands and all.

That’s the first thing I’m going to buy with my zombie book money. A private island. When I get there, I’m going to prank call Colson Whitehead and Justin Cronin. They aren’t going to know what hit them. Hear that fellas? Take that successful writers.

Still, I’m having fun writing the zombie book. I don’t call them zombies. I had a superbad name for them–Eaters–until my wife sent me a link a Uwe Boll “film” by the same name. So I had to brainstorm a new word. Stupid writing. Always making me think.

I joke and tell people that I’m trying (for the first time) to write something that people want to read. But it’s only half a joke. I’m writing it for me, but I’m pretty sick of writing for no audience. I like people to read my stories. Maybe if I sell a gajillion zombie books, someone will look at the book I wrote before, The Aurora Project. I still think that book should have a home. I really like it, at least, and I’m super picky about what I read. Maybe if James Patterson agreed to knock off one of his contractually obligated books, there’d be room for my cool, strange, hopeful book about the apocalypse and renaissance of mankind. I’ll have to call him later and see.

Anyway, I am trying very hard not to be literary as I’m drafting this novel. I don’t mean that I’m trying to write badly, but that I’m just trying to tell a plot driven story. I’ve always been bad with plot. I’m enjoying trying to fit pieces together. A new endeavor. The problem with The Aurora Project is that the plot sort of moves sideways, the resolution is…funky. In the new manuscript, I’m trying to connect more dots, get more places. Plus, there’s just a ton of action.

Up until this afternoon, I was unsure of my narrator and thinking of switching to third person. But I got to a new place today. I started to hear his voice. He became real, quite suddenly, for me. That’s pretty cool. I don’t usually enjoy the process of first drafts. I love revision, but drafting is tough for me. But with this book, I’m kind of enjoying the invention.

Whitehead! Cronin! You’re on alert!

2 thoughts on “The Rumors are True…

  1. Stupid writing. Keeping me up late at night. And stupid internet. Distracting me and bringing me to your hilarious blog. I say yay for zombie books (I tried one of those myself. Turns out I’m better at romance. Sigh. Zombies need love too, right?).

  2. Awesome! Love the sound of what you’re doing and your style here is cracking me up. Keep it up and pish posh on being literary. Stupid literary fiction.

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